So.....
      So many things have changed in my life over the last almost year. I really dont know what to say about it other than it was a dark one.. I am sure most of you saw my post and noticed that me and Jason had split and went our separate ways for a while. To say the least that was probably the hardest thing I had ever went through. I know after everything you would have thought it was a piece of cake. But it was the total opposite.
    I hate to say it but that hurt had taught me so much about myself and where I want to be and truly my strengths and weaknesses. I found out that losing the love of my life was quite unbearable and there was nothing I could say or do to get that back. I just had to truly let go and forgive and thats what I did. I started living for myself and my kids. I went back to the party scene every chance I could, because I had my kids all the time and I was ok with that. I had not been single since I was 18 years old and didnt know how to live that life and I had always pegged myself as an independent woman who didnt need anyone or anything. But I was wrong. I had to turn to God in my darkest moments and even though it didnt feel like it he was with me and realized he had the bigger picture in mind. Yes I had to go through some hurt and tears, but now I see why..
    Both Jason and I realized that we were meant to be and though some people thought I was completely out of my mind to take him back, its all I wanted. I could see in his eyes that is what he wanted too.. So we worked it out.. We both know now where we would be without each other and it was not pretty... But that time apart made me appreciate what we had as a couple and what it was for my kids to have someone there for them when their dad couldnt be. I am so proud of the person he is now... I had thought I had lost my Jason, no emotions nothing was in his eyes when he left and it took me a while to realize that, that wasnt who he was, but there was nothing I could say or do to change that. When the first time I saw him, I saw that clearness in his eyes and that he knew that we were supposed to be together. Only those people who truly know one another recognize those looks and I saw it.. I realized how much I was affecting my children when my 8 year old said mom I just want you to find someone and be happy again. You are always crying and never smiling and that was my ah ha moment. That what  she said was true. I cant help what happened and cant change it, so I moved forward.. I was setting such a bad example for my kids when I was in bed when I was around them and just angry.
    I had to change and show them that I am still this strong woman who will be there to guide them. So I picked myself up off the floor literally and started living life again. and all of a sudden God throws Jason my way. He comes to me and says Tiffany I realize what I did and I am clear headed now, no more drinking, cut down on the meds and I realized that you are what I need. and all I could do was smile and say I know how you feel..
    Needless to say things have been amazing and we picked up where we left off like nothing happened. We appreciate each other so much more and cherish the love we have for one another. The kids have that example of love in their life and have their mom back. I can thank the good lord up above for that. I truly believe because I veered away from my belief in him that he had to throw that at me to make me wake up and I had no choice but to come to him, nothing made sense.. I can say everything makes sense to me now. I wake up every morning so happy at where I am. Could I change my work status, well.... Thats work in progress, hoping for a job that I would love to have and be great at, just playing the waiting game. I am going back to school in the mean time working towards my bachelors in program management, cause i guess experience means nothing anymore, you need that piece of paper.. I tell the kids let this be a lesson to you, your mom is 30 years old with so much work experience and I am having to go back to school because they want a college degree.. Maybe god is using me as an example to my kids, who knows but I am going along with it. Though Jason loved his old job, he has one that is better and I am so excited for our future together. Everyday I wake up with a smile on my face because my life is now being put back together when there were so many pieces missing..
    I just had a urge to write this morning for what ever reason and share my happiness with others. I have learned honestly if you are not happy only you can change it and it is not going to be the same for everyone. But I was making positive changes in my life and now it keeps getting better. I will never lose my faith in God, because I know what happens when I do and it is nothing but hurt!! All of this above I am Thankful for.. Even Jason's kids, they are so special to me and cant wait to see them and share more family occasions with them. I am thankful for everyone in my life rather you have made a good or bad impact, because I can look back and say that you all affected my life in some way.. Oh cant forget my ww wives that I have met over the years. You guys might not know it, but you all have been a huge strength in my journey over the past 8 years. My best friends Kisha, Julie, Keli, Lindsey, all the Amy's, and many many more, Meagan, all very very speacial to me... I love you all!!
   Have a great day and Happy Thanksgiving to you all, I know I have alot to be Thankful for!!!
Tiffany
The Woman with Many Faces...